A year on....

I'm currently laid in bed, wide awake, I have been fighting sleep now for the past 4 hours. Strange really that I was in exactly the same position this date last year. Only I was struggling to breathe as my stomach expanded from the swelling of my ovaries. I didn't know it yet but I was suffering from ohss, or ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome. A painful condition where fluid fills the ovaries causing great pain, swelling and the need for rest and close observation by the medical team at the ivf clinic. But the silver lining for me at that point was that it was secondary ohss, triggered by the long awaited baby I had growing inside me.

Yes we were lucky by a successful first attempt but never will I forget the trials and tribulations of the ivf journey. Of the daily injections and the mood swings they caused..... the worry of it not working teamed with the excitement of what if?! ...... the friends that I made in the journeys we were taking together..... the 13 fertilized eggs that resulted in just 1 poor to average embie.....

then of course there's the friends that I lost in the run up to the trip..... the years that I cried each month my period came, not only marking another month of no pregnancy, but causing immense physical pain too..... the baby I had growing so briefly inside me that was also lost along the way.....

So a year down the line, laid in bed with a sore throat and pounding headache, wide awake and listening to the sound of my baby breathing in his crib next to me..... I wonder..... what will the next year bring?