its strange the things that trigger a train of thought...i remember before we started our ivf journey i was once walking around H&M, i saw a mannequin that had a bump... i found myself questioning why even this lump of plastic could get pregnant. i find it quite amusing now i think back, that an inanimate object could generate such an irrational response...yet there it was!
my hubby has recently started calling me 'becky want want', apparently i'm never happy and always wanting more. of course this is not a new thing, and something he has been aware of since we met almost 8 years ago. back then my main obsession being shoes, he'd help me find new excuses of why i had to buy the 75th pair of shoes ... then the 76th, 77th, 78th..... ironic really that the one thing i bacme so desperate for (pregnancy) left me unable to wear all those beautiful shoes.
anyway... back to the point of this entry..... morrisons have a new advert. theres a little girl running through the house into the kitchen, she reaches up to the magnets on the fridge, unable to reach, her big brother scoops her up and helps her...... this left me thinking. will finley ever get the chance to be a big brother? being the oldest of 3 i know this role only too well. how younger siblings drive you round the bend jumping up and down in front of the tv whilst you try to watch your favourite programme, or how they 'borrow' your new top only to ruin it before you get the chance to wear it yourself. but then when their boyfriend breaks their heart for the last time, there is an overwheming urge to protect them.
just over a year ago i was wondering if we'd ever become parents, if i would ever hold a baby of my own in my arms, and now as i sit here bouncing him on my knee that wonderment has changed just ever so slightly. part of me feels greedy for wanting more already, for asking when we can try again for a sibling for finley. but back as a child when i cradled my dolls, i never just had the one, and i never envisioned my adultlife with just the one either. dont get me wrong..... finley is my world and if we arent successful in the future i will still be the happiest mummy in the world to have been given the oppurtunity to be his mummy and share his life with him, but i want him to have a brother or sister to share it with.
so answering 'becky want wants' question of when can we try again, my hubby has agreed for us to make a referral again in january. in the mean time, i will continue to thoroughly enjoy every single second of my little man.
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