Well finley, when I imagined the first weeks of your life, I
envisioned lots of mummy and daddy cuddles, showing you off and introducing you
to the world and spending time doing some nice things as a family. In your ditsy
week we made a tiny dent in the circle of family and friends waiting to meet
you. But that was all put on hold on Monday night.
We have spent the past 3 nights in hospital. You were unresponsive to mummys voice, mummys touch, mummys attempts to feed you, wake you.... you just lay there floppy and asleep. You took your first journey in an ambulance at just 9 days old and spent the following hours been prodded and poked. Instead of learning about the cries you make to tell me your hungry, I heard your screams of pain. I sat down the corridor as they took fluid from your spine to check for meningitis, daddy held your hand as I couldn't bare to see what they had described them doing to you. But I soon realised how selfish that was and I was in there too. I held daddy as he held you and as soon as the needle was in you were floppy again. I don't know which was worse.
As we waited for the results (they took 48 hours) you were given antibiotics 3 times a day. 3 attempts to get a canula in your hand, again you cried at every attempt. The first dose of antibiotics left you covered head to foot in a rash. Trying not to panic I asked a nurse to check it, a Dr was called but as it disappears under pressure, wasn't itchy or painful for you they decided it was just a reaction and treatment would continue.
After the second dose you were picking up. Suddenly waking for feeds and crying and rooting to say 'feed me mummy'. by Tuesday night you were a different baby to not just the one we took into hospital on Monday, but to the one I have held in my arms since you were born. After everyone had left us, all the worried grandparents and aunts and uncles, mummy and you spent some time together alone. We sang nursery rhymes and I tickled your tiny fingers and your perfect little tummy. You responded to my touch and my voice and pulled faces I haven't seen you do before. I know they say a newborn doesn't smile but you pulled the corners of your mouth up in a smiling expression and that made mummy cry happy tears.
Wednesday night your canula broke down and left you with a puffy hand. 3 more attempts to get a new line in, I sat there holding you, trying to soothe your screams of distress and pain. I sang round and round the harsen, circling your tummy and you suddenly stopped crying and went to sleep. I kept asking the nurse if you had passed out, I didnt believe in myself enough to believe I had soothed you to sleep.
By the time your results were back yesterday you were active, moving lots, crying lots, wanting lots of cuddles and attention, feeding so well too. The really showed no meningitis, and no other infections that were tested for came up either. But I was told by a nurse friend on the ward in around 70% of cases like your finley, they never find the answers but it is very clear the medicine did the trick.
Daddy sent mummy to bed as soon as I had my tea last night, apparently lack of sleep in the hospital was causing problems with my yummy mummyness hehe (like I care). Daddy said you wouldn't let him put you down all night, you wanted lots of cuddles.
today is daddys last day off work, I wonder what we will do........ something nice just the 3 of us I think.
I am so proud of you my little man, you have shown so much bravery this last few days and you make mummy find strength and courage I never knew I had. You obviously bring out the best in me, the mummy I have always wanted to be. I hope I make you proud too.
Love you so so much
Love mummy xxxx
We have spent the past 3 nights in hospital. You were unresponsive to mummys voice, mummys touch, mummys attempts to feed you, wake you.... you just lay there floppy and asleep. You took your first journey in an ambulance at just 9 days old and spent the following hours been prodded and poked. Instead of learning about the cries you make to tell me your hungry, I heard your screams of pain. I sat down the corridor as they took fluid from your spine to check for meningitis, daddy held your hand as I couldn't bare to see what they had described them doing to you. But I soon realised how selfish that was and I was in there too. I held daddy as he held you and as soon as the needle was in you were floppy again. I don't know which was worse.
As we waited for the results (they took 48 hours) you were given antibiotics 3 times a day. 3 attempts to get a canula in your hand, again you cried at every attempt. The first dose of antibiotics left you covered head to foot in a rash. Trying not to panic I asked a nurse to check it, a Dr was called but as it disappears under pressure, wasn't itchy or painful for you they decided it was just a reaction and treatment would continue.
After the second dose you were picking up. Suddenly waking for feeds and crying and rooting to say 'feed me mummy'. by Tuesday night you were a different baby to not just the one we took into hospital on Monday, but to the one I have held in my arms since you were born. After everyone had left us, all the worried grandparents and aunts and uncles, mummy and you spent some time together alone. We sang nursery rhymes and I tickled your tiny fingers and your perfect little tummy. You responded to my touch and my voice and pulled faces I haven't seen you do before. I know they say a newborn doesn't smile but you pulled the corners of your mouth up in a smiling expression and that made mummy cry happy tears.
Wednesday night your canula broke down and left you with a puffy hand. 3 more attempts to get a new line in, I sat there holding you, trying to soothe your screams of distress and pain. I sang round and round the harsen, circling your tummy and you suddenly stopped crying and went to sleep. I kept asking the nurse if you had passed out, I didnt believe in myself enough to believe I had soothed you to sleep.
By the time your results were back yesterday you were active, moving lots, crying lots, wanting lots of cuddles and attention, feeding so well too. The really showed no meningitis, and no other infections that were tested for came up either. But I was told by a nurse friend on the ward in around 70% of cases like your finley, they never find the answers but it is very clear the medicine did the trick.
Daddy sent mummy to bed as soon as I had my tea last night, apparently lack of sleep in the hospital was causing problems with my yummy mummyness hehe (like I care). Daddy said you wouldn't let him put you down all night, you wanted lots of cuddles.
today is daddys last day off work, I wonder what we will do........ something nice just the 3 of us I think.
I am so proud of you my little man, you have shown so much bravery this last few days and you make mummy find strength and courage I never knew I had. You obviously bring out the best in me, the mummy I have always wanted to be. I hope I make you proud too.
Love you so so much
Love mummy xxxx
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