well lickle moon, you really do not how to keep mummy on her toes. on monday night i was getting tightening feelings that were coming every 15-20 minutes and were quite painful. i breathed through them, took some paracetamol and had a nice soak in the bath. none of which really helped much so off we went for an early night.
yesterday i woke up after a vry restless nights sleep, feeling tired, exhasted, worred but even wirse still in pain. by this point i had back ache and an almost constant dragging type feeling quite low down. you were still kicking me lots so i knew you were ok in there.
by lunch time it was no better so i rang the midwife for a bit of support, fully expencting her to say its just braxton hicks, you're fine dont worry. instead, they wanted to see us to check us over because she said they had been going on for quite some time now.
when we were get there, the midwife looking after us was brilliant. straight away she had us in a room and was tryng to get a tracing of your heart, but like usual, you did not want to play. in the end the nice lady took us through to put you on the tv. i only got a quick look at you because she was only checking your heart rate, but you have grown so much. i could see you little fists clenched up punching at my tummy. she was happy that you seemed ok. whilst she was scanning you, mummy had another big contraction which the midwfie felt too and she was very worried.
back to the bed and back to tryung to get the tracing machine on you, with more success this time. the dr quickly came to see us and told us they were concerned you were going to come early and wanted to do a test to see if that was happening or not. the said to ring daddy now. but mummy had been trying to be brave and not call daddy out of work unless he needed to so now i was worried. i called daddys office but he wasnt there, i told the lady on the phone what was happening and then i started to cry. i was very scared you were coming and i really wanted daddy with us.
we got put on to the ward and thats when everything went down hill care wise. the midwife looking after us was ok but the ward itself was awful. the bed was very uncomfortable and the pillows werent worth using.
the dr came and did the test which was just a little swab from mummys cervix and he said that everything still looked closed so they were happy with that.he did notice i had a bit if thrush so he gave us some tabets for that to get that sorted.
then an hour later the midwife came and said the test was negative, you were not about to make an appearance. the relief that dady and i felt was immense, you're not meant to be here yet! but it left the question over what was causing the pain and the contractions which by this point had finally stopped.
then we were left....left ....and lft some more. daddy asked if he should get me some things from home and was told yes like it was the most obvious thing in the world. we didnt know wether i was staying or going because nobody had told us anything. then tea came...well thats a whole other issue but if you feel sick from what mummy ate i'm sorry. manky lettuce,cucumber and plastic beef wasn't great but solidified rice udding foating in water was just horrendous.
daddy went and brought us somethings and then after playing games on the hospital tv for a while he had to go because it was the end of visiting.
still very uncomfy, the new midwife suggested a bath. we had a bath and felt no better so settled down for another very unsettled and uncomfortable night.
this morning i was told dr would be coming to see me, so we waited. we were also told that if i was still in pain i would be staying. every other patient in our room saw a dr, but instead a dr reviewed my notes and told the midwife to send me home. when she came to tell me, i told her i am still in pain so she offered to do another trace. perfect she said, not a problem. by this point i was also getting shoulder pain which she has put down to my endometriosis flaring up during pregnancy. she also told us that were bound to be anxious with this being an ivf baby.
still no answers. she tells us again we can go home when were ready but no point rushing if im still in pain. but theyre not going to do anything else so i then think well why bother staying??? i felt like nobody cared that i am still in pain, still got lots of pressure, back aches and frequent pains very low down at the front. but because their test has said im not in labout they don't seem to care. 'its just one of those things'!!!!
im supposed to have my first consultant appointment next week and they were going to cancel it as i have seen them this week. I didnt even see a bloody consultant!!!! the dr who saw me yesterday was a trainee by the sounds of it, yet they thought they could cancel my appointment next week without even speaking to my consultant. well its not cancelled now, and i will make sure i tell our consultant how uhappy i am with everything. right now all i feel is that i dont want to go there to give birth but i know i have absolutey no option in the matter because there is no where else.
so now i am home, needing to calm down. i hope my little rant will help in that and i now need to leave it be. nothing i can do, nobody there is bothered im still in pain. so rest for the day it is!
lickle moon, mummy loves you so so much and is so scared of something bad happening. i know though that you are strong, stronger then mummy i think, because mummy is very weak sometimes. i promise to take really good care of you, just stay put and be good. xxx
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