for 3 years every month i would convince myself i was pregnant..... my periods would be late AGAIN so of course this month was our month, but no, it never was. since having finley my periods have regulated themsleves, no more 50odd day cycles so far.
we made the decision to re-refer for our next round of ivf in january next year, but then also agreed to start trying again naturally because 'who knows' maybe we could be one of those lucky ones that it happens to. so this month around ovulation time we got jiggy a few times ;-) my 2ww symptoms from my pregnancy with finley then followed like clockwork. increased cm continued, pain in my boobs that shot through radiating into my nipples, heavy boobs, tiredness causing me to feel sleepy in an afternoon. then came the nose of a bloodhound, retching at the smell of my dads pork sandwhich and then the sickness followed later that day. even came down with an infction, last time it was a chest infection, this time a severe urinary tract infection. still 2 days off my due date i think we both became a little excited over the 'what if' until it all ended by the bright red blood staining my brand new pair of knickers. Not this month then!
we didnt even make it to test date to find out if this was just a random bunch of symptoms making us believe what anyone who has encountered the ivf train wants to believe, or if we had in fact just experienced our second chemical pregnancy. would it have been worse to test positive first? im sure it would, but the not knowing makes me feel silly for being just a little bit upset over something that i dont even know we had.
after all those many many months of tears at every period, i WILL NOT get caught back up in this. we have Finley now, we treasure him so much and are thankful every day for what we have. so how do you go about trying to conceive naturally after infertility has meant the only way of conceiving was through ivf. is it even worth trying or do we resign ourselves to the fact we can only make babies with a little bit of help?
Monday 14 May 2012
6 months old and you finally have soe hair!!! - 6/5/2012
yesterday was your half birthday finley. i cannot believe its been six whole
months since i pushed you into this world. you really are a cheeky little man
with a massive personality. you dont seem like a little baby anymore, you talk
away to us, you sit up all by yourself, you hold your own bottle, you feed
yourself trees of broccoli or toast or whatever else is on the menu.
you shout at us for attention if just for a minute we've dared to look away. you tense up your arms and pull a funny face when you're excited. you've grown quite tall and your hair has finally started to grow. you sit laughing at mickey house and you are justing to find your groove hehe, i can see your tummy starting to bob up and down to the beat of the music
those nasty teeth are still not through and they have been causing you so much pain and upset. i wish i could take it away from you but i cant. in stead i give you medicine to help and lots of cuddles to make you feel better.
you sleep in your own room now, by half 6, to 7pm you cry to go to bed because you are tired. you sleep through with just one wake up on a few nights. at about 6 am you cry for me so i come trough to your room, scoop you up and you cuddle straight in. you lay next to me in mummy and daddys bed, cuddle in and go back to sleep for at least another hour. when you do wake up you lay cooing at me, blowing raspberries, pulling my hair and now trying to crawl onto me. it was funny this morning though because you were making lots of noise so i opened my eyes and you had pushed yourself down under the duvet and was laid there laughing.
although you're not exactly crawling, with a combination of rolling, turning and pushing yourself backwards you can navigate yourself around a room pretty well. on friday night you were very cheeky though because you were in the baby walker at nannas and you pushed ourself all the way over to the shelf so you could grab the picture frames.... nanna kept telling you 'no', but you just laughed at her.
so thats another month gone by and lots of new skills have developed, i wouldnt mind if you stop the hair pulling and nipping though, they really hurt lol.
love you so much my little man xxx
you shout at us for attention if just for a minute we've dared to look away. you tense up your arms and pull a funny face when you're excited. you've grown quite tall and your hair has finally started to grow. you sit laughing at mickey house and you are justing to find your groove hehe, i can see your tummy starting to bob up and down to the beat of the music
those nasty teeth are still not through and they have been causing you so much pain and upset. i wish i could take it away from you but i cant. in stead i give you medicine to help and lots of cuddles to make you feel better.
you sleep in your own room now, by half 6, to 7pm you cry to go to bed because you are tired. you sleep through with just one wake up on a few nights. at about 6 am you cry for me so i come trough to your room, scoop you up and you cuddle straight in. you lay next to me in mummy and daddys bed, cuddle in and go back to sleep for at least another hour. when you do wake up you lay cooing at me, blowing raspberries, pulling my hair and now trying to crawl onto me. it was funny this morning though because you were making lots of noise so i opened my eyes and you had pushed yourself down under the duvet and was laid there laughing.
although you're not exactly crawling, with a combination of rolling, turning and pushing yourself backwards you can navigate yourself around a room pretty well. on friday night you were very cheeky though because you were in the baby walker at nannas and you pushed ourself all the way over to the shelf so you could grab the picture frames.... nanna kept telling you 'no', but you just laughed at her.
so thats another month gone by and lots of new skills have developed, i wouldnt mind if you stop the hair pulling and nipping though, they really hurt lol.
love you so much my little man xxx
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