its 2 months since my last journal to you lickle moon and i really dont know
where to start.
the emotions i feel everyday at having you in my life are quite frankly
indescribable. there isnt a day goes by when your actions invoke feelings of
happiness, fear and excitement. when you first crawled and i lay there on my
tummy filming those first clumsy movements; or when you one day just made your
way over to the sofa and while i was enthralled in coversation with nanna you
just grabbed the side and stood yourself up like it was something you have done
everyday of your life; and even when yesterday you sat in your highchair and you
reached out your biscuit to give me a bite, big gummy grin on your face, so
happy to share with me..... all these moments a feeling of being so proud of
you, proud to be your mummy, happy i got to witness you doing these things but
scared that ill miss the next with the blink of an eye.
you are no longer my tiny baby laying in my arms, gazing up at me in
wonderment of the big world. now you are a little boy, so much independence in
all that you do, wether it be feeding yourself or sat happily playing with your
toys. when we go to the playgroups and as i pop you down on the floor whilst i
remove my shoes and bags, i turn around and your gone, other side of the room
sat playing with the other babies and the toys in the room. you are filled with
confidence and i hope i have instilled that in you.
having such a history with depression and anxiety and growing up in a home
where this was quite apparent, my biggest hope was for you to not have the same
experience. everyday i battle with my own fears and anxieties but to watch you
smiling and happy and confident it assures me i am doing something right.
i enjoy the cuddles and the smiles you give to me, and me only. everybody
says how youre a mummys boy, i dont care though. you are happy in the arms of
others but i see the way you look at me and your daddy that you dont look at
others that way. its me you search out when you have banged yourself playing or
wehn you are hungry, or even when youre just wanting a big mummy cuddle.
we have being sent a new hurdle this last few weeks. as i weaned you from
breast to bottle and gave you more formula by the day, you became incressingly
unwell. you have been lethargic, snotty, coughing, wheezing, youve had diareah
and vomiting and your eczema has flared up. today we saw the gp and believe it
to be a dairy intolerance. so our new challenge is to manage your diet in a way
to prevent all these horrible symptoms for you. already just removing the
formula you have improved drastically.
i could sit and write to you all night finley, but im sure when you read
these, if you ever want to read these, that me gushing all over the page about
how much you mean to me will just embarass you ever so slightly.
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