October 2010... we had just returned from an amazing 17 days in Hong Kong and
Thailand. A fantastic honeymoon, that had followed a perfect wedding. Not many
people knew at the time, but we never knew if we would become parents, wether or
not our 2 would become 3 or 4. IVF had been suggested as our only way forward
and so we had jumped on that track. 3 years ttc and then treatment spread across
3 months resulted in our BFP!!! 9 months felt like a life time but finally i
held our amazing baby boy in my arms on 5th November 2011.
Fast forward almost 11 months, and when i say fast forward i mean whizz through it because thats how it felt, and we're here. 2 days off 1st October, my return to work date. how come it took so long to get our precious boy, but the days he is here just go by in a rushed blur?
i keep telling myself i am lucky, i only have to go back to work 2 1/2 days per week. 18.5 hours.... it not even a full day in a week and i get to spend the rest of the time with my baby boy, but right now that doesnt seem enough. the longest we have been apart was when i went away for the weekend and after hearing his little giggles turn into cries when he could no longer hear my voice on the phone i broke and returned from our trip early. he's had a couple of overnight stays with nanna and grandma but never have i left him 2 days on the trot, never mind 3. ive now questioned how ive managed recent weeks. maybe i should have got us both used to being apart a bit more but i wanted to treasure every last second with him i had before going back to work so i didnt do this.
tonight i cradled him in my arms, as he fell asleep tears tumbled down my face. like those early days when he was just born, i found myself watching him breathe, waching his tiny chest rise and fall. in my head i was shouting 'but you're still so small'. surely its not right that i should be leaving him already? how much will i miss? how much will i miss him? and how much will he miss me?
my hubby reminded me that i still get to spend lots of time with him and i will always get to spend more time with him then he does. this didnt stop m protesting to my mother in law that im just not ready to leave him. but she was right when she told me i would never be ready. even if i waited another 6 months, this still wouldnt be enough.
so starting monday 1st october at 8.30 am i begin my juggling act: part time worker whilst doing my very best to still be a full time mummy too.
Fast forward almost 11 months, and when i say fast forward i mean whizz through it because thats how it felt, and we're here. 2 days off 1st October, my return to work date. how come it took so long to get our precious boy, but the days he is here just go by in a rushed blur?
i keep telling myself i am lucky, i only have to go back to work 2 1/2 days per week. 18.5 hours.... it not even a full day in a week and i get to spend the rest of the time with my baby boy, but right now that doesnt seem enough. the longest we have been apart was when i went away for the weekend and after hearing his little giggles turn into cries when he could no longer hear my voice on the phone i broke and returned from our trip early. he's had a couple of overnight stays with nanna and grandma but never have i left him 2 days on the trot, never mind 3. ive now questioned how ive managed recent weeks. maybe i should have got us both used to being apart a bit more but i wanted to treasure every last second with him i had before going back to work so i didnt do this.
tonight i cradled him in my arms, as he fell asleep tears tumbled down my face. like those early days when he was just born, i found myself watching him breathe, waching his tiny chest rise and fall. in my head i was shouting 'but you're still so small'. surely its not right that i should be leaving him already? how much will i miss? how much will i miss him? and how much will he miss me?
my hubby reminded me that i still get to spend lots of time with him and i will always get to spend more time with him then he does. this didnt stop m protesting to my mother in law that im just not ready to leave him. but she was right when she told me i would never be ready. even if i waited another 6 months, this still wouldnt be enough.
so starting monday 1st october at 8.30 am i begin my juggling act: part time worker whilst doing my very best to still be a full time mummy too.
No comments:
Post a Comment