you keep me strong

Finley, the last few weeks have been very hard for mummy. there are lots of things going on and i feel a little bit out of control over it all. the one thing that remains constant is you. you still look to me for cuddles, for feeds, for changes, for warmth, for smiles, for songs..... i could go on and on. i think about the feelings that i have now that i am a mummy, your mummy, and i feel completely and utterly overwhelmed by them. for just a short period of time you were so tiny you just laid in my arms and the only noises you made were cries to alert me to you needing somehing. now you giggle, you babble, you blow raspbrries, you cry and laugh at the same time when you're unsure of what it is you really want. you cuddle in and squeeze me tight making a little squeak of excitement at being in my arms.

this month i got to celebrate my first mummys day, i felt like the most special mummy waking up that sunday morning to a card you and daddy made together.

 it has your hands and footprints on it and pictures inside to show how you made the card with daddy. my present from you was a tattoo. a lickle moon for my lickle moon.


there are 13 starburst.... 13 was our lucky number during your treatment so this a very important number for you. the moon represents you and the white star at the bottom represents your brother or sister that we never got to meet. the black stars for the 3 long years we waited to hold you.

ive had to ask for a bit of help from nanna recently with looking after you everynow and then because mummy is so tired from all of your sleepless nights. at first i didnt want to see you go and i felt bad at leaving you, but i know now that i'm not leaving you .... im letting you spend time with your family that all love you so much too, and givibg myself the short break i needed to build my energy back up for when you're back in my arms being a little monkey again.

those 9 months of pregnancy seemed to last forever, but these past 5 months have flown by....look at you now sitting up all by yourself


i love you so so much my little man,

love from your mummy xxxxxx